Dealing with Grief
I was recently approached by a prominent elderly woman who resides in a personal care facility, and she wanted to know how I felt about the recent deaths of residents that we both knew. Our discussion prompted me to write about dealing with grief. Here are some defining characteristics of grief:
- Grief is unique to each individual and therefore the processing of grief must be individualized
- Death and grieving are part of the life-cycle
- Death may trigger a reactive response in fearing that someone else who is close to you may die
- Death puts one in touch with their own mortality
Things to Consider:
- The timeline for coping, healing or gaining closure to loss will vary from person to person
- It is ok to have different kinds of feelings related to the bereaved
- How the person died or cause of death (i.e.: suddenly, protracted illness, violently) will influence how one grieves
- How a person previously experienced or dealt with loss (including multiple losses) impacts grieving
- Getting stuck in “role captivity” like when a person cannot get beyond suffering with grief – seek professional/ mental health help
- One’s life style, rituals, and daily routines may be altered due to someone’s death
- Your own health, emotional wellness, and cognitive abilities are factors in coping
- One is put in touch with mortality, current health and daily affairs
Healing & Coping:
- Allow feelings to flow-out for release; usually in the form of crying
- Acknowledge any feelings of guilt, anger, fear, depression, denial, sorrow, disbelief, hopelessness, helplessness, awkwardness, and preoccupation of thoughts – they are all normal in respect to dealing when someone has passed
- Share experiences, memories, wants and needs, desires, and hope
- Forgive yourself or the deceased for any hurtfulness, mistakes, or other short comings
- Normalize: engage in regular routines and activities
- Write a journal, poem, and positive memories
- Allow for openness with others in sharing grief
- Be emotionally prepared in expecting others not to understand your grief, or their passing judgment as to how you are coping
- Take care of your practical needs such as eating, sleeping, exercising, socializing through time beyond the date(s) of when someone has died
Gary Kozick, LCSW
(215) 510-8901 • www.garykozick.com
10/1/12